I can’t remember a time I wasn’t impatient. I’m really fast at so many things, that impatience seems like my default state. Sometimes I feel like I have to wait for everyone: to catch up, to get it, to keep up with me. That makes me sound arrogant and rude, but most of the time, I’m just impatient on the inside. I hate waiting, but I do it when I have to, which is a great deal of the time. I know that people aren’t as fast as me, but I don’t make apologies for my speed. I’m not talking about PHYSICAL speed, of course. And I don’t think it’s bragging when it’s acknowledging something that is fundamental about myself. I’m not proud of being fast, I just am. I’m not saying being fast is the same as being smart, by the way. I’m smart, too, but there are lots of people way smarter than me.
And believe me, I can be dense, too. Just throw some numbers at me; you’ll see. I’m slow at math, I’m slow at logical thinking, I’m slow at many things. But not all, not by a long shot. Being fast is something I’m GOOD at. I get things done quickly. I make decisions quickly. I figure things out quickly. I cut to the chase.
Getting things done quickly means I have more time. More time for doing things I like doing. And I don’t want to waste my time waiting. Even if getting things done quickly means I have more things to get done. That’s fine. I don’t mind having more things to do, as long as I can do them at my own (fast) pace. And sometimes I spend more time on doing things, not slower, but better. Does that make any sense?
Of course, the downside of being fast is that sometimes I am TOO fast, and I miss things. Not necessarily out of carelessness, but because I don’t see something that I might have seen if I’d been a little slower, or more thorough. Sometimes, being fast can be a drawback, if you don’t take the extra time needed to check that things are correct before you keep zooming on. At least when it happens, I can also fix the mistake quickly!
Lately, I’ve found myself being SUPER impatient, mostly at work. I’m having to slow down and restrain myself from snapping at others for being slower on the uptake, and bogging down in (to me) unimportant tangents and details. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes, from sighing, from making comments that might make someone feel bad. I don’t like myself like this, and I’m not sure what’s changed. I’ve ALWAYS been fast, and I’ve always been impatient, but lately, it’s different. Maybe I just need to acknowledge it, like I’m doing now (typing this really fast), and that will be enough for me to get over it, and my impatience will get back under control.
I vented about it to my manager recently, trying to be funny about it, even though I didn’t really feel funny. She even made a comment acknowledging that I AM insanely fast, but she said I need to be sure that my impatience isn’t making others feel slow, or stupid. And I agree. Just because I’m so fast doesn’t mean that others are SLOW, or that their pace is WORSE because it’s not the same as mine. We all get there in the end, even if we do it in different ways, at different times, at different speeds.
Karin, when she was younger, always had to be out in front, first, fastest. If we were walking somewhere as a family, she was always a few steps ahead of the rest of us. And if you subtly increased your speed, to get a little ahead of her, she would unconsciously speed up, just to get back in front, without even realizing she was doing it, until or unless you laughed. She still does it sometimes: I think it’s just built-in. I feel like it’s built-in for me, too. Squashing impatience is just part of the package, I guess.
Mood: impatient (hahaha!)
Music: V.V. Brown—Shark in the Water