Monthly Archive: May 2009

29
May
2009

DRAINED

All week I’ve been dreading attending the funeral of my friend, Carol. How do you reconcile the death of someone your own age when there is so much still to DO, so much planned, so many years of experience still to come? When you know that person didn’t want to go, wasn’t ready to go, and went in such a blindingly fast and unjust way? Maybe no one is ever REALLY ready to go, but I suspect that when you’re 90 it’s easier to accept than when you’re half that. The weather today was changeable. It kept changing. It rained...

26
May
2009

JAG SKA BARA

Martin and I were going to go for a walk after dinner, but I had to get a couple of quick things done to finish and publish this month’s AWC newsletter/website and when I was done with that I had to do a quick-read through my friends list and answer emails and as I sat here the room gradually got darker and darker until I got up and turned on the light, and then did a double-take because it was only 7:30…and it’s supposed to still be light out! Then thunder rumbled. bbbuuuuummmmbbbblebooooommmmm, it went. Hmmm…I thought (with my Einstein...

24
May
2009

THIS, THAT, THE OTHER

It’s Sunday morning, the 4th and last day of a long weekend. I was just realizing that the reason it’s a long weekend in America is because it’s Memorial Day weekend, while the reason why it’s a long weekend here in Sweden is because of Ascension Day. Strange. The sun keeps trying to come out…it’s been up and down and hiding and peeping all weekend. We’re back to the “wait-5-minutes” typical Swedish weather, it seems. I’m really hoping that the sunshine sticks around or at least comes back full force when my brother comes at the end of June, but...

19
May
2009

WHEN IDEAS FAIL, WORDS COME IN VERY HANDY*

Maybe I have a hole in my head where all the words have leaked out. I looked down around my feet to see if they were there, but all I see is bright green new grass. Sometimes pavement. Sometimes shoes. Where have the words gone? Have they traded in their D’s for M’s and gone inching off, into the grass, greening themselves with protective coloring? Camo-worms. I know that technically I shouldn’t have used apostrophes there with D & M, but I seem to remember that sometimes apostrophes are necessary when the lack of them would cause confusion. You wouldn’t...

17
May
2009

THIS VERY MOMENT IS THE ONLY ONE YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FOR SURE

My kids are waltzing, or what passes for waltzing in their pre-adolescent, high-school-musical-filled brains, in the living room. They’re singing as they twirl, and as they pass the doorway they both make a huge grin in my direction and then stop and come in to see what I’m doing. AAH! they exclaim, when they see that I’m writing about them (they’re sitting here giggling right now). Their cheeks are bright pink, and their skin is cold: they were out in the chilly evening air watering the garden …and each other… a few minutes ago. I kept thinking it would rain,...

14
May
2009

IN LOVING MEMORY

My friend passed away this morning, too fast and too soon. She had one of the most generous loving hearts I’ve ever known and the world is a grayer place without her light in it. Rest in peace, Carol. The earth will never be the same again. Rock, water, tree, iron, share this grief As distant stars participate in pain. A candle snuffed, a falling star or leaf, A dolphin death, O this particular loss Is Heaven-mourned; for if no angel cried, If this small one was tossed away as dross, The very galaxies then would have lied. How shall...

11
May
2009

THANKS, I NEEDED THAT

Despite the ups and downs of sorrow the sun keeps on shining and I muddle along. I dragged Martin up off the sofa and made him go for a walk with me after dinner this evening. The sun was lowering, but still high in the sky; it hasn’t reached its zenith yet…we’re still enjoying the lengthening days. It’s cool in the evening air, there’s an autumn-y nip in the spring sunlight which is rather refreshing. I much prefer a cool, sunny spring to a direct dive into humidity and heat, so no complaints here. We pulled on fleeces and started...

10
May
2009

IN SEARCH OF A MIRACLE

All day the sun shone in a blue sky and the smell of lilacs was intoxicating. They’ve burst into multi-colored firework-blossom bombs of purple and white and lavender beauty. The chestnut trees have candled and the bright multi-hued greens of spring are evening out into that solid summer wall of verdant emerald. I can’t reconcile myself to the fact that a friend is dying.

08
May
2009

LOVE LOVE LOVE

One of my FB friends who is also a colleague commented at work this week that he couldn’t believe how many books I read. “Do you REALLY read that many books? You read like one a day!” he exclaimed. “I don’t watch TV.* I read 139.5 books last year,” I replied, and left him gaping. I’m reading comfort books right now: just finished The Dark is Rising series and now have started on James Herriott’s All Creatures Great & Small. I suspect it’s because I need to find comfort anywhere I can these days, when worry fills so much of...

06
May
2009

HOPE & HURTING

There’s always hope, right? In the bottom corner of the box, it sits and waits for you and springs up, as glad to see you as you are to see it, when you finally dare to lift the lid one more time. The hospital visit this evening went much better than I was prepared for and I feel so overwhelmingly grateful that maybe, maybe, hopefully, even if things aren’t looking up, they are at least looking a bit better for my friend who had been so steadily going downhill so fast this past week. It’s hard to feel anything but...

May 2009
S M T W T F S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  

Archives