Tagged: beinglizardek

18
Mar
2006

IF THE SUN DON’T KNOW, AIN’T NOBODY KNOWS

How do you live in a head that’s divided? I used to know who I was, I used to step firmly, moving forward, arms swinging freely. There might have been obstacles in my path but they were of no moment. I passed them easily, dodging blithely, skipping past, taking them in stride. That person that I was, she’s still there somewhere inside, but she stumbles now, hands forward to feel the way, patting each obstacle thoroughly, wondering if the best way past is over or under or around. I stand with empty hands, with empty mind. Everything has already been...

13
Mar
2006

AT LEAST I’LL LIVE LONGER THAN 3-4 DAYS AND NOT BE EATEN BY A BIRD

The inside of my elbow joints hurt when I straighten my arms. Is it: a) a sign of too much online journaling b) a sign of too much web-surfing c) a sign of too much work on the computer (yes, I do actually do work at the computer) d) a sign of rain e) a sign of aging f) a sign of stress g) all of the above h) tennis elbow. shut up! It could happen. I have my work laptop set up on the dining room table and I am flitting (yes! flit! flutter!) back and forth between the...

15
Feb
2006

TIME EXISTS SO THAT EVERYTHING DOESN’T HAPPEN ALL AT ONCE*

It keeps adding up and piling on and never-ending. Do I have a task magnet stuck on me? *swipes at clothing* Doing my own work, plus half the work of a missing colleague is beginning to take its toll and its only been 2 weeks, though there’s no near end in sight at the moment. Right before I left the office, running late, 2 people discussing and arguing and NOT GETTING OUT OF MY WAY so I could leave made me feel as though my blood pressure was actually surging and starting to short me out like a freaky fuse....

09
Feb
2006

JUST WHAT I NEEDED

You really are the best innernets a girl could ever have. I have a few friends who are chronic cancellers and I have to admit, I’ve grown tired of pretending to be okay with it when it happens…AGAIN. And the thing is, I’m sometimes guilty of the very same thing, although not with these particular friends. I can think of at least 2 people (although I wouldn’t go so far as to call them FRIENDS. Not like you. YOU’RE friends. And you’re pretty, to boot. Did you lose weight?) who could probably pick the very same bone with me. It’s...

06
Feb
2006

CLOSE AT HAND AND HOLDING ON

My hands are a lot more wrinkled now than they used to be. They’re starting to look like my mom’s hands, full of soft ridges and character. I keep my fingernails fairly short nowadays, after years of growing them long because I could. Small white crescents above a flattened jujubee of pale pink. I remember once realizing that I had vertical ridges in my fingernails, and being told that it was a lack of iron that caused it. That, along with chewing ice, were the outward signs of a deficiency I apparently solved or grew out of, since neither one...

04
Feb
2006

ALL HANDS ON DECK

Sometimes I feel like my life is like the water in the ocean. Waves lap at the shore and retreat with the tides, a palette of colors and motion that stays basically the same, unchanging from day to day. But once in a while a storm blows in, and suddenly the breakers are huge and scary and the dash of spray against the cliffs is drenching everything, and things break up and float away, and it’s hard to see where the lines in the sand once were, and if I’m not careful, the undertow will grab me and pull me...

02
Feb
2006

FOR SOMEONE WITH NOTHING TO SAY I SURE TALK A LOT

I honestly feel I have nothing to say. Which is weird, because I just talked on the phone to a total stranger for nearly half an hour. And weird, because anyone who knows me would say that my not having anything to say is a thing of beauty and a joy forever unusual. *sings softly* Hey ho, anybody listening? Hey ho, anybody here? Hey ho, anybody listening? ……….Anybody caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare? Heh. That was the part of the refrain from a gospel song I sang in Messengers when I was 17. So, what the hell is the matter with me? General malaise...

31
Jan
2006

WHEN THE MOON IS IN THE STUPID HOUSE

You know, I like some of the ideas of astrology, and I think it’s fun to be a fire sign (rawr!) and it’s interesting and all, but the guest speaker who babbled on tonight at the meeting for over an HOUR really made the case AGAINST it despite his self-professed knowledge and experience in a lifelong career as an astrologer. The final straw for me, the one that tipped my eyeballs over and up into the back of my head, where they had been straining to go for what felt like an eternity, was his snippy response to one girl’s...

18
Jan
2006

MENTAL PARENTAL

Life is heating up, along with the earth, which is, although it may not SEEM like it, moving down the orbital arc towards spring. Choir started tonight with a bang. We’ve already got a schedule of concerts through to August, with 3 major programs, including a tour show of the Spanish theater/dance/song/music extravaganza (Sangria!) we put on in 2004. Wheee!! We worked through a couple of our favorites from Sangria, and then started the first song from Stabat Mater, which nearly all the Swedes have sung before and knew, but I’ve never even heard of. Which is a bit strange,...

15
Jan
2006

THINKING OF SOMETHING STUPID TO SAY

It is so quiet in the house that the clickety snick of the computer keys sounds like popping bubble wrap, muted fireworks beneath my fingers. Besides my own self-generated soundtrack, I can hear the hum of the monitor, the quiet drone of computer (slightly lower-pitched), and the murmuring of the aquarium pump. Why all this undertoning doesn’t drive me batshit insane I don’t know, since normally repetitive noises top my list of cut-that-out-before-i-kill-you annoyances. The only other sound is the empty whooshing slap and slurp of my liquid brain; there’s nothing concrete to be had today, it seems. Have I...