I jammed the ring and pointer fingers of my right hand in an ill-advised, mis-timed high five with the boss of my old job who is a current colleague after a funny comment he made while disco dancing at the work party last night. Ow. Typing hurts like a sonofagun. So if I stop using the i o k l , and . keys you’ll know why.
2 years ago or thereabouts I began to feel that my life was spiraling out of control. Every day was busy, with a job that demanded more of me than any other job I have ever had, on top of an overloaded social calendar, on top of an increasing busy activity life for the kids.
I started to list all the things I used to be involved with just now. All the activities I went to, all the positions I held, all the after-school stuff I was helping the kids keep track of, but ultimately that’s not the point. The point was that I felt it was too much. It seemed that I was home during the evening maybe 1-2 nights a week if I was lucky…EVERY WEEK. And if I was home, Anders probably wasn’t, or the kids weren’t. We were ALL busy.
So I started saying no to things. I took steps to reduce the commitments I was making and cut back on the amount of activities I was doing. I started reveling in every “empty” day that I found on the calendar. But for every empty day, I found something that needed to be done anyway. Even if I wasn’t driving somewhere to do something, there was always SOMETHING to do: web work, blog reading, book reading, cleaning projects, art projects, whatever.
And what I learned about myself during the last year and a half is something that I already suspected. I LIKE being busy. Even though it sometimes stresses me out and even though it’s a constant juggle, I LIKE having a pretty full calendar and lots of things to do. I’m glad that I have friends and family who invite me to things and who come to visit and I’m glad that I do things both for myself (choir) and others (AWC). I think that I’ve found a better balance this year. I removed some responsibilities and changed some to suit better, and re-committed to others that I found I missed. Even when I’m busy, I find time to do most of the things that I really want to do. I spend time with the kids, I read books, I keep up (mostly) with the online friends I’ve made.
And I did learn how to say no, how to keep a few days open for myself and my family, how to keep that balance.
No, I don’t do all the things I used to. I don’t have time for everything that I’d like to do. But isn’t that normal? Don’t all our interests and focuses change at times and during the course of our lives? Yes, I like painting and drawing and writing poetry, but they’re not a focus right now. They haven’t really been for years, and though I sometimes miss them, I don’t miss them enough to take them up again…for now. Some day I’m sure I will again, but my focus is definitely elsewhere for the moment.
So, even though I may tire you out just READING the things I do on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis, and heck, I may even tire myself out, I seem to be built this way: for doing.
Bippity Boppity Hippity Hurray Belated Birthday Wishes to my darling dear Sunday School Rebel Sam!