I can’t get a solid night’s sleep anymore. It’s kinda bumming me out, and it’s not something I could take (or would want to take) medication for. It’s because I have to get up multiple times during the night to go to the bathroom. If I took some kind of sleeping pills, what are the chances I would then wet the bed? Don’t want to know.
The diabetes medicine I am taking has “frequent urination” as one of its side effects, which is way better than frequent anything else in the evacuation system of your body, believe you me. But it means I have to pee nearly every hour.
I’ve learned not to focus on or even look at the clock if I can avoid it when I have to get up in the middle of the night. If I know what time it is, it wakes me up even more and I have a harder time falling back to sleep. I can usually tell that it’s still the middle of the night, or it’s close to morning just by how dark or light the room is, but the not knowing exactly helps at least to not wake me up all the way. Even after I wake up because I have to pee, if I just lie there in the hopes I’ll doze back off, my bladder just gets more and more insistent, and wakes me up even more.
Riveting content, I know.
Our daily meetings at work are morphing a bit, and I’m not super happy about it, but not really sure that I can steer them back. We meet every day to go through the incoming job tickets and divide them up. I often used to run them, but I go too fast for everyone else’s tastes, so right now, our intern is running them. She’s decided (with everyone’s spoken or tacit consent) that doing a roundtable of how everyone is feeling is a good way to start each meeting off. Thumbs up, thumbs down, thumbs sideways, and often it’s not just how we feel about our workload, but how people are feeling in general: their personal lives, and so forth. I am very ambivalent about this.
We have so much to do, that just having this daily meeting at all can be a source of stress for me. I just want to work, and the more meetings I have, the less I am actually getting things done. And talking about everyone’s personal lives for up to an hour is not how I want to spend my time at work. But how do I say that without sounding like a cold, uncaring bitch? Hmmm… It’s not that I don’t care, but I feel like the prolonged conversations about other things than work aren’t really an appropriate use of my work time.
Don’t get me wrong, I really like my team, and I really care about them, and care that they are doing well, but I don’t want to spend so much time every single day on this. I just want to flick through the tickets, take the ones I can handle, and get moving on them and the work I already have in progress.
Because there’s been a lot of stress in some of the team’s personal lives and a lot of stress about the amount of work lately, my manager held a meeting today with my team to talk about it, and to give us some tools to help each other understand ourselves and each other better. It was a good meeting, and it was a very clear pointer for me that my antisocial tendencies are at peak performance right now. We did some exercises, and talked, and finally, after an hour and a half, we got around to going through the tickets, which took, of course, much longer than usual. Gah.
I don’t want to be thinking about work all the time because I’m not getting enough done when I am AT work. And I don’t want to be working evenings or weekends for that same reason. But that’s what’s happening right now. I have a one-on-one meeting with my manager tomorrow, so I’m going to bring this up, but I’m not sure about the response I get. I suspect I’ll be reminded once again how important it is that everyone feels good about being at work and that it’s important to take time to listen and care about each other. And I know that.
But still. I just don’t want to have to do it every damn day, at work. Ugh. Such a bitch.
Mood: cranky
Music: Texas—When We Are Together