Do you ever just feel paralyzed by the too-muchness of everyday life? I feel that way a lot. I seem to be stuck in a major rut and I’m not sure what to do to shake myself out of it. I WILL, I know, eventually, but I sure feel kind of stuck right now. Every day blurs into the next, and I can’t decide if that’s okay or not, to be honest.
It’s been windy here all day today. All the green things are shaking and shimmying and the constant rustle and shuuush of everything is both soothing and annoying. The sky is a sort of indescribable blue that only comes in summer, cloudless, lighter around the edges. I can hear the wind in the trees, in the leaves, even here in a room where the window is shut. It sounds like the ocean. It sounds like far-away traffic. It sounds like wind in the trees.
I worked from home Thursday and Friday and will continue until next Thursday, which is the day before midsummer. It’s a little boggling to realize it’s already midsummer. We have no plans at the moment and no motivation to make any, apparently. I asked Anders about it a week or so ago, but we didn’t come to any action plan, so who knows if we will actually do anything to celebrate the most-celebrated Swedish holiday of them all. Most of our friends are pretty much AWOL right now and no one is making plans to get together. The thing about working from home is that I find myself, on the weekend, having to forcibly restrain myself from working. Sneak-working. Just a little bit. Just an hour here or an hour there. We’ve been so ridiculously busy with work for so long that I no longer know how to shut it off and turn away. It’s always there in the back of my head. Ugh. And I LIKE my work.
My manager organized a fika on Wednesday afternoon, outside, to come see those of us on the other half of the team who haven’t seen her in 3 months. She brought her new German Shepherd puppy, who is just a few months old, and cute as a button, with floppy bunny ears and big puppy paws. Not seeing your manager for so long is weird. I see HER manager (who used to be my manager) and the OTHER manager in our team (who isn’t mine), but it’s not the same as being able to go stop by her desk and talk to her when I have an issue to get help with. Not that I’ve had that many issues to get help with, as it feels like everything is in limbo, but still. I’m sure you know what I mean.
I’m only writing because I forced myself to. I have nothing of importance or interest to report. Even in these days of everything-online, I don’t feel like anyone is reading anyway. You’d think, when everyone is home and so much of our interactions have moved online, that blogs might have taken off again, but that doesn’t seem to be the case at all. Pity.