Ozswede wrote something that really struck me, today:
“Sometimes it feels like I have sunk very quickly into the mire of old age because I do wonder where the time has gone. I think if there is any regret it is that I just don’t know where middle age went. I thought that middle age should be now, when there are big adventures and endless wonderings and wanderings. Too often I get to day’s end and think I have just slid one day closer to death.”
Urk, that brought me up short, as too often I have the same kind of feelings. Another day over and what have I done? Gotten closer to the end, that’s all.
Yesterday was definitely one of those days, with Anders leaving at an ungodly early hour (3 am! His flight was at 6 but he had to be at the airport at 4, URGH) and Karin still gone (she’s been gone all month, it feels like). I slept in and then basically lazed around all day. It was another one of my slug days but won’t count as far as others are concerned because I did 2 loads of laundry and vacuumed AND ironed 3 shirts, but it was definitely sluggy in every other way.
And I didn’t speak to anyone. I didn’t even go outside or go for a walk despite it being a beautiful day. I just wanted to veg and read and even though I kept thinking, “Oh, I should get out now while it’s sunny” I never managed to get my butt out the door. Pathetic.
Today though, I was gone most of the day. I had planned an AWC activity to go visit a big indoor flea market in Malmö but it ended up just being my friend Debbie and me. Our other friend Camilla was supposed to come, but she ended up at the ER with her mom (not serious I don’t think, but I have no details yet). It was fun to poke around but it was mostly real junk instead of nicer antiques, although there was some nice furniture. Too bad I don’t need any furniture! Actually, too bad, I don’t need anything but it was fun to look at all the stuff.
Afterwards we drove to a small shopping center that has a clothing store we both like, and had fika and sat and talked and shopped a bit (I found a nice flowery blouse and a long black cardigan) and then I picked up sushi for Karin and myself. She was already at home having been dropped off by a teammate after their soccer game (she scored but they lost).
Anders and I talked to Martin on Friday and he’s doing well. A couple of the projects he’s worked on have been fantastic (and I’m speaking as a designer and not just as a proud mother) and I have asked him if it’s okay to share them, but not sure if his answer was definitive and he still has to send me the files. He had some really good things happen this past week: one of his friends who also did IB in high school told him that she was given 15 college credits just for having done IB and he should check out whether he can get the same. That’s an entire semester, basically! And the manager of the summer program that he participated in during July emailed him and asked if they could use some of his photographs for their promotional material (he doesn’t get paid, but what a nice compliment!) AND she encouraged him to apply for a mentor spot for next summer’s program, (and that IS paid) which is unusual as he will be a rising sophomore and mentors are usually juniors or seniors!
I am waiting for my doctor to call and make another appointment with me this week (I will call if I don’t hear anything by Wednesday). I had the ultrasound on my gallbladder last Wednesday and the technician confirmed that it is “nearly full of stones”. He asked if I knew anyone else in my family with gallstone issues and when I said, “Yes, my mom, her dad, my brother…”, he nodded and told me that the predisposition for gallstones is often genetic. He was sending the results back to the doctor and said I would then have consultation with a surgeon for how to proceed, but I expect gallbladder removal surgery is in my near future. I called my brother about it since I was freaking out a little, and he told me to chill out and gave me lots of info based on his own experiences with acute pancreatitis. GAH.
So that was my weekend. Another couple of days closer.