Today was my day for what Martin so amusingly terms my “spelunking procedure” or in other words, the hospital visit to have my IUD retrieved and replaced. I got a call from the nurse on Wednesday to tell me my operation time was at 10:00 a.m. and that I was not to eat anything after midnight the night before, and that I could only drink water or “clear liquids” up to 2 hours beforehand. Does vodka count as a clear liquid? Inquiring mind wanna know.
Last night I was kind of freaking out about the whole thing and I couldn’t get to sleep and my shoulders hurt and I had bad dreams about it all night long, but this morning, everything was fine, and I got to sleep in a bit, since Anders took Karin to school (she’s still on crutches) and Martin took the bus. Anders came back and napped on the couch while I was getting ready…he had taken the day off in order to be able to drive me to Landskrona, wait for me, and drive me home again. Since they were putting me under anesthesia I was not allowed to drive myself (or presumably operate heavy machinery).
Landskrona is about 45 minutes away, and I accepted the offer to have the procedure done there instead of in Lund because they told me if I wanted to have it done in Lund it would be 6 months or more before they could get me a date. We got there a few minutes early and I went in to get registered while Anders parked the car. The hospital buildings were not very well marked and despite the map I had been sent, I couldn’t find the right entrance and ended up walking around the entire building, back to the main entrance before I got oriented and found my way.
Once in the Operation Department, I signed in and handed over my ID card, and while I was doing so, I popped a Tic-Tac into my mouth. “Oh!” said the nurse, “You can’t do that, that’s FOOD.”
“Sorry!” I exclaimed and I spat it out. “How can that count as FOOD? I had one earlier this morning, around 8 a.m., that’s not a problem, is it??”
She looked pessimistic and said she would tell the anesthesiologist and she would have to make a decision. “Over a TIC-TAC?” I said. Apparently so. She led me to a dressing room and gave me a rolling locker and a set of clothes to change into and told me the doctor and the anesthesiologist would be in to talk to me.
Anders was there with me for a bit when the doctor who was actually going to perform the procedure came in. He told us it was a simple event, would only take a few minutes, and the recovery time would take anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour. The nurse said she would give me an IV through which I’d get the anesthesia, painkillers and fluids. Anders went on out to the cafeteria to wait, so I could get ready.
The pile of clothes consisted of a white button-front short bathrobe gown, a pair of very thin underpants, 2 long white stockings, 2 blue plastic shoe covers, and a hair net. Stylish!
I changed and put all my stuff away into the locker and added the rubber-banded key to my wrist along with my hospital wristband. Two doctors in scrubs came in and asked me a bunch of questions: no, I hadn’t smoked or used chewing tobacco; no, I hadn’t had anything to drink, but I HAD had a Tic-Tac earlier at which they hummed and hawed a bit, then continued. I gave them a list of what I’m allergic to and answered some other general questions. They left and the first nurse came in to tell me the anesthesiologist would be back to talk to me again.
After sitting there for several minutes, staring at that foot-long IUD box, a different woman in scrubs came in, with a very stern look on her face, shaking her head. Sorry, but because you had a Tic-Tac, we can’t proceed, she told me. “What?” I said, “Are you serious?? How does that count as FOOD!?”
She explained all the health risks and said that because I was overweight, etc. the risks were increased and even just a Tic-Tac was enough for them to refuse to go ahead, especially since it was just for an IUD replacement and nothing serious.
AAAUGH.
My persuasive abilities were useless, she was adamant and told me I had to get another date to come back later. I changed back into my clothing, gathered my stuff and got directions from the first nurse as to where I was to go to get a new date. Then I had to go out to the cafeteria and tell my husband.
“Because of a Tic-Tac. You’re joking,” he said. I shook my head and tried not to burst into tears.
We walked around the other side of the building and found the OB-GYN entrance and eventually an older woman in scrubs came to help us. She turned out to be the nice woman who had called me on Wednesday to give me my time. She couldn’t believe it either, when I told her why I was there, but she pulled out her appointment book and gave me a new date…in early March.
“And between you and me,” she said, smiling, as we were gathering our stuff to go, “if you happen to accidentally have a Tic-Tac next time, you don’t have to be so honest.”