Tagged: beinglizardek

01
Dec
2018

WAKE UP WITH DETERMINATION, GO TO BED WITH SATISFACTION

No slug day for me today, though I did manage to sleep in a bit. I wake up early nearly every day with a headache starting or raging, and have to decide whether I can fall back asleep or must take some medicine after getting to the bathroom. It feels like it’s almost always either dehydration or tension causing the problem and despite drinking plenty of water, it happens again the next night. UGH. I read for awhile, checked emails, and then got up around 10 to shower and dress. I had a full mental list of things to do...

17
Nov
2018

STUFFED

I think a lot about dying these days. I’m not sure why. Maybe because I’m over halfway to a hundred? Maybe because I wonder what my family would do without me? Maybe because I see signs of decay in so many places. It’s in the news. It’s in the illnesses and diseases and diagnoses that drop like bombs around you. It’s a worm in the brain that whispers what if. What if? What would I do if I lived forever anyway? Even if inevitable, it’s a squirmy uncomfortable contemplation. All the accumulated flotsam of my life, both soothing and cluttering...

31
Oct
2018

CARPE DIEM AND DAMN THE TORPEDOES

I find it so inutterably hard to read the news these days. It feels overwhelming and awful and as if we are just buried in an unending heap of horrible that goes on and on. I know that it’s NOT all bad news, but the scary stuff so often outweighs the positive that I really struggle sometimes to find the good things. I read Hans Rosling’s book Factfulness a month or so ago and he talked quite a lot about how the human brain is wired to respond to bad news and drama and that we, as humans, tend to...

10
Oct
2018

GOOD THINGS, DESPITE EVERYTHING

So much of everything lately makes me roll my eyes or grit my teeth. I seem to be seething, constantly. Like so many others, I am horrified and frightened and angry as all hell by the news, by the news, by the unending, ungodly, unbelievable news, that you keep thinking can’t get worse, but then it DOES, but I feel mute. As if what I say doesn’t matter because it doesn’t change anything, even when I know that’s not true. There are so many things stuffing up my brain that nothing can get out, despite all the pushing. I don’t...

19
Sep
2018

IS THIS THING ON?

I used to live a lot more of my life online, in the blog world mostly, than I do now. Not surprising, since so very many people have stopped blogging for one reason or another. I find that weeks fly by and I don’t even think about it once, and when I do check my list of people to read I find it takes just a few minutes to scan through the time that has passed…maybe someone has posted something that takes longer than a minute to read, but it’s rare. And getting rarer, sadly.* It’s not exactly that I’m...

04
Sep
2018

THIS IS THE LIFE

Tonight, Karin drove to the bus stop in Gårdstånga, and I was glad I was just along for the ride, because it meant that I could concentrate on staring at the GIGANTIC FIERY RED sun that was just about to descend below the horizon. We could only see the top of it above the trees, but it was seriously HUGE. Then as I turned the car around, after we switched places, we saw two hot-air balloons out over Odarslöv and one of them was as big as the sun. Weird what atmospherics can do. She had a nice week in...

13
Aug
2018

NOW I LAY ME DOWN

It’s tough coming home from work, especially after a night where I didn’t sleep well, because I either 1) couldn’t get to sleep 2) couldn’t get comfortable and kept waking up 3) kept waking up too hot 4) woke up super early and a) had to get up to go to the bathroom b) had a headache and had to get up to take medicine c) heard the furnace beeping and had to get up to go turn it off d) woke up when my husband’s alarm went off and then again when he went in and out of the...

06
Aug
2018

HOT POTATO

I’m normally about as far from being a gardener as you can get. I don’t like being outside all that much. I loathe having dirt under my fingernails. Bending over is hard these days thanks to back issues and kneeling is out completely. That said, I like gardens. I like flowers. And I like eating things. This year has been a banner year in the Ek family backyard, where we’ve managed to grow several…crops. Thanks to getting net on the cherry tree, we enjoyed a month-long bonanza of delicious sweet cherries. It’s hard to believe I had practically never even...

28
Jul
2018

PLUMBING THE DEPTHS

I just realized what is wrong with me. I’m in a rut. You know the one, maybe…where life is moving smoothly along and nothing much is happening; certainly nothing worth writing about, and you don’t feel particularly sad or happy or really, anything. You just get up in the morning and do the things you have to do: shower, dress, brush your teeth, etc. You go to work, you eat the meals that keep you going, you do some of the things that you like doing: reading, watching a movie or a show, making phone calls, checking email, but there...

18
Jul
2018

COOLING DOWN A BIT

It was cloudy today, an even gray cover, misting us in rain but not enough to actually WATER the thirsty earth. I went out with the hose after dinner and gave the potatoes and the tomatoes a good soaking, stopping to pluck another little red cherry tomato. The plants are so heavy they are pulling away from the house and leaning the slatted sticks that were supposed to support them over so far that I’m pretty sure it’s just a matter of time before they hit the ground. There are tons of tiny green tomato balls growing and still the...

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