Tagged: beinglizardek

07
Nov
2020

STEPS IN A FORWARD DIRECTION

In the interest of trying to be more present in this space, here I am. Writing to myself, about myself. Wondering if anyone is reading this; and wondering if I care what the answer is. I’ve distanced myself on social media platforms, seldom commenting, and reducing my sphere of interaction rather drastically over the past several years…am I in place where I’m comfortable now, or is it time to start reaching out again? The thing is, it’s a two-way street, isn’t it? If I reach out, will anyone answer? Isn’t writing here a form of reaching out in and of...

01
Nov
2020

ON AND OFF AGAIN

I didn’t set out on purpose to take a month-long break from writing here, but halfway though the month, even though I was constantly thinking about writing something, I sort of gave up and went with the flow. I suppose I still felt like I had nothing much to write about, even though that is precisely what writing here is FOR: random thoughts. But this past year, as for everyone, has really taken its toll, and that’s despite everything in my life being FINE. I am fine. We’re fine. Everything here is fine. But I still feel tired, fatigued, exhausted....

27
Sep
2020

ROLLER COASTER

I had a bad week last week, feeling very down about a few too many things that are out of my control. Friday night I had plans to have dinner with my two best friends… just after lunch it started raining and it POURED for hours. Bucketing down. We stood at the window of our 7th floor office and watched raindrops fly UP and over the parapet as if it were a reverse waterfall. I had to go to the store and post office after work and driving was a nightmare: limited visibility despite the whipping wipers, huge standing patches...

29
Aug
2020

DOWN TO 2, UP TO 7

We’re officially a 2-person household again as Karin is in the process of moving out from under her parent’s roof and into another (temporary) apartment with a friend, this time in Malmö. Since she is working at Flyinge school, which is literally less than a 5-minute walk from our door, and will have to pay an alarmingly high amount in rent each month, plus deal with parking there, when she could continue to live here for free, I am a bit boggled by her choice, but she’s young and cool and ready to be on her own. And since she...

12
Aug
2020

I DID THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS

I woke up with a headache and haven’t been able to shake it all day, despite drinking lots of water, sitting with the neck massager and taking ibuprofin. It’s still there, behind my eyes and at the base of my skull. Gah. It’s been a very productive week; in fact, it’s been a very productive 3 weeks (technically of vacation, but since I have worked almost every day I’ll have to tell my boss I only actually took two weeks). I had quite a long to-do list when I started and I nearly doubled it during the course of vacation....

02
Aug
2020

WHAT TO DO

Ermagerd, it’s already August. How time flies when you’re… oh, never mind. Time isn’t flying, actually. It’s moving, at least. All the things that I usually look forward to about the fall and the holidays feel very far away and unattainable right now. Everything is still canceled. Things are still closed. We’re not seeing friends or going to parties. I don’t know if anyone is planning on hosting a crayfish party this year, but even if they were, I’m not sure we’d go. We have no info about Karin’s starting university in a…month? some weeks? We have no date and...

26
Jul
2020

NEWS FROM THE INSIDE OF MY HOUSE

Where do people go when they stop blogging? How can they stand not knowing what’s going on in the lives of the friends they’ve made online? How can they stand not knowing how the story continues? Even though I can go weeks without posting, I can’t imagine stopping forever. Or, well, I can, but I don’t want to. I like having this record of my life, my thoughts, my obiter dictum. I still think about blog friends, online friends, who left the blog world years ago. Just dropped off, stopped writing, as if no one cared that they were gone....

21
Jul
2020

MOVING FORWARD, MOVING UP, MOVING IN

Anders is on vacation and so far, he’s made an awesome start on his vacation project, which is redoing the entire deck and making the glassed-in porch bigger. In 2 days, he’s already ripped out and removed the entire deck and the porch walls. Tomorrow he has a trailer all day to take multiple loads of wood to the dump, and on Thursday he’s rented a container to remove all the sand that was underneath the deck. Right now, he’s doing a side project: removing the stump of the plum tree. Not easy! I am still working. If I can...

01
Jul
2020

LIFE, VEGETABLES & OTHER TIMELY TOPICS

Every day mostly the same. Same routines, same meals, same feelings. I wake up, I shower and dress. I work, I eat something. I read something. I walk on the treadmill. I do laundry. I play games on the iPad and think about writing. I call my mom or my son. I talk to my husband and my daughter. I water the garden and the vegetables and admire the roses. Sometimes, something changes and I see a couple of my friends or we visit Anders’ mom (from behind plexiglas, when it’s not raining). In our garden, there are tiny green...

07
Mar
2020

ALL OF THE ABOVE, APPROXIMATELY

It’s 6:09 am on a Saturday morning as I start typing this. I’ve been awake since 4:44 am, god knows why. I woke up abruptly, padded to the bathroom, had a drink of water and laid back down, expecting to fall back asleep without a problem, but no. Tossing and turning didn’t help and then I started doing layouts in my head and that was it…I was wide awake by 5:30. It’s been ages since this has happened. I honestly think that there is so much anxiety swirling around everything right now and this is where it’s affecting me today....

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