I don’t even know what to write about anymore. There are things I can’t write about that are filling up my brain. There are things I could write about, but I don’t even know what they are. Ideas run through my mind and bubble into nothing by the time I sit down. Funny conversations disappear into the air, expelled on the breath of memory and forgetfulness. Even when I have ideas, they seem stupid. They seem trite and banal and, above all, boring. And then I forget what I was going to say again.
I’ve been keeping this blog since 2003. That’s a long time. I dislike the fact that I don’t write more often, even when I know it’s a habit that takes discipline. I am easily distracted. My time is easily eaten up by so many other things. I feel guilty about not writing and that’s the last emotion I want to bring to this space. A friend of mine exclaimed tonight, when the subject of my blog came up, that it was “so good!” and I had to laugh, because I rarely feel that way about my blog. I don’t think it’s “so good” most of the time. I’m not sure what’s changed, though. I mean…I’m the same person I was in 2003, right?
Really, though, it’s the longest I’ve ever written a journal. Most of my pathetic attempts lasted weeks, sometimes only days. The amount of blank pages in the paper journals of my youth is fairly embarrassing, but here? I’ve been writing for nearly 12 years! Next year my little livejournal will be a teenager!
Anne Tyler said, “If I waited until I felt like writing, I’d never write at all.” I get that. An unknown writer said, “The worst thing you write is better than the best thing you did not write.” I get that, too. Erasmus said, “The desire to write grows with writing.”
I don’t have writer’s block. It’s not that, at all. It’s a matter of prioritizing, really.
So, here I am…writing. Turns out, it’s not so difficult once you get going. The trick is to do it again. And again. And keep on doing it. Whether you feel like it or not. Whether it’s good or trite or banal or boring. Whether anyone will read it or care that you’ve written it or acknowledge its existence. Just write is just right.