Tagged: beinglizardek

02
Jul
2021

HOLES AND HOPES

I find myself checking my head constantly, without thinking about it. My hands in my hair, sifting through the strands, feeling the lumps and landscape of my skull like an amateur phrenologist. I am trying unconsciously to tell if there is more damage from my fall than I thought, or maybe I’m trying to smooth it out, to make sure there are no actual holes in my skull, as if my fingers could softly and carefully rub the bone back together. There are 22 bones in the human skull, 14 of which make up your face. The bones of the...

06
Jun
2021

FOUR-LEAF CLOVERS*

As long as I can remember, I’ve been blessed with best friends. Before we moved to Europe, and I started 7th grade, my memory is hazy regarding friends. I suspect I mostly played with my brother and sister (when we weren’t fighting). Though I do remember riding bikes with a girl named Judy when we lived in Nebraska, I don’t remember what she looked like or anything else about her. The year before we moved to Belgium, we lived for a year in Montgomery, Alabama and my sister was best friends with Jackie, another girl that lived in the same...

28
May
2021

LITTLE GOOD THINGS

I keep feeling like the accumulation of stress, worry, and bad news is going to bury me, and yet, I keep getting up in the morning: to work, to walk, to eat, to read. I keep going, despite the blows that come mentally, emotionally, physically. It makes me wonder where my breaking point is. What if I don’t have one? That’s an interesting thought. Sometimes I get teary-eyed and bust out crying from the stress of it all, and sometimes I just go sit outside on the deck, in the sunshine and I lean my head back and close my...

09
May
2021

SUDDENLY, SUMMER

Sometimes, when it’s been a while, and I keep forgetting to write something here, I feel like I’m coming to confession: Forgive me, LJ, for I have sinned. It’s been 8 days since my last post. Last week was all work and crappy weather and nothing much on the news front, until Friday, when I got a letter in the mail from our local healthcare clinic with an appointment time for my first vaccine shot. WOO HOO! FINALLY! It’s scheduled for May 19, so I am going to be super careful between now and then. Imagine getting COVID the week...

16
Apr
2021

ALL THE THINGS

I made it through another work week, and this one without crying in front of my manager on a Teams meeting, so I call that a win. Work is still crazy but I am proud of my team for managing to keep our task queue at a reasonable level, despite the fact that we were 2 men down this past week as our freelancer wasn’t able to help us at all. Next week I have a massage scheduled and a hair appointment so I will actually be getting out of my house (more than just to the grocery store) for...

10
Apr
2021

IF I DID NOT LAUGH I SHOULD DIE*

Last week was not a great week. Specifically, Thursday was not a great day. In fact, it was a down-right shitty day. Things went wrong all day and culminated in crying in front of my manager on a Teams call, which was extremely frustrating and embarrassing. I was crying because I was angry and upset and then all the rest of it came pouring in on top and just made it worse: worry and stress and sadness and fear and all the emotions this past year has been piling on top of me. UGH. To make things even worse, poor...

28
Mar
2021

WEEKEND WRAP-UP

The people behind us are slowly but surely cutting down ALL the trees and bushes and shrubbery that block the view of their backyard and farm from our backyard. It’s making me sad. They decimated all the trees that were there before and now he’s out there again with a chainsaw buzzing away. If he cuts down all the lilacs that are growing by the ditch, I’m going to be very very sad. All the natural greenery that hemmed in our yard: gone. I don’t want to look at the back of their carport and stable and parking area. Our...

22
Mar
2021

RESPOND BEFORE REACTING, THINK BEFORE ACTING

I was just realizing that I have only been sick once in over a year. I searched through my posts and the only thing I’ve had since 2019 was a head cold in June last year. Staying away from people sure cuts down on your sick days. All that hand-washing and social distancing really DOES work on cutting down disease…and not just corona. Although I confess, sometimes it would be nice to have an excuse to stay in bed and call in sick. Ha! I wonder if these habits will stick with us. I dunno…yesterday, Karin and I ran to...

18
Mar
2021

THINGS TAKING UP SPACE IN MY BRAIN, FOR BETTER OR WORSE

Vaccine envy I am thrilled that my mom is getting hers this week (1 shot) and Martin gets his second dose next week. I’m happy for all my friends and relatives who have gotten theirs or have their scheduled. But I’m aggravated that there’s no knowing when we’ll be getting ours here. Everything is delayed, maybe by as much as 4 months. SUCK. Hate crimes What is WRONG with people? Why are so many people so scared of others who are different and feel the need to be hateful to them? Just be KIND to other people. How hard is...

15
Mar
2021

TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE, TWO KINDS OF TIME

I’ve been thinking a lot about time passing lately. My father died when he was 56 and because I have a lot of the same issues he did, healthwise, though with one major difference, this year…the year I am 56, has been a little fraught for me, mentally. Like many adults, I often boggle about how fast time goes. I read once that it has to do with the fact that as an adult, you’ve already done many things at least once, and therefore, they seem to go faster the second (or third or eleventyth) time around, because you know...

May 2024
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