Lizardek

13
Mar
2006

AT LEAST I’LL LIVE LONGER THAN 3-4 DAYS AND NOT BE EATEN BY A BIRD

The inside of my elbow joints hurt when I straighten my arms. Is it: a) a sign of too much online journaling b) a sign of too much web-surfing c) a sign of too much work on the computer (yes, I do actually do work at the computer) d) a sign of rain e) a sign of aging f) a sign of stress g) all of the above h) tennis elbow. shut up! It could happen. I have my work laptop set up on the dining room table and I am flitting (yes! flit! flutter!) back and forth between the...

12
Mar
2006

SPRING WHEN THE WORLD IS MUD

The moon a dusty thumbprint in the sky, we follow the blue around the village. Snow is melting all around, but hanging on, hugging the ground. The edges are sun-eaten, lacey, dripping. There are ravens and rooks everywhere, as if this were a battlefield or an old Norse myth. Hugin and Munin, thought and memory. I look sideways at their sharp stabbity beaks and surprisingly small heads for such large birds. They perch atop trees, fenceposts, power lines. Another bird, silent and white, rises above a house as we walk. At first I think it is a seagull because of...

11
Mar
2006

BET YOU WISH I’D JUST POST PHOTOS INSTEAD

Melodifestival thoughts: Sandra Dahlberg was robbed. It’s weird to think that an entire country of over 9 million people are all sitting in their living rooms watching the same program on TV. And they announced that an American broadcasting company has bought the rights to the Eurovision concept, so soon all the entire U.S. of A. will be glassy-eyed with song contest fever, too. Any takers that Carola sweeps the whole thing this year? One for the WTF files: A 9th grade art teacher in New York was suspended and may be fired from his 25-year long teaching career for...

09
Mar
2006

CAN YOU TELL I WORKED UNTIL 8 PM TONIGHT?

I’ve never been on a runaway train, but I think I know what it feels like. It’s exciting and frightening at the same time. Or maybe it’s just exciting! Until the big smash at the end. Or maybe it’s just terrifying and there’s nothing exciting about it. Actually, I don’t think a runaway train is really the metaphor I’m looking for here. Things I nearly always skip on other people’s journals: memes, dreams, tv program reprises, and apologies about how busy people are and how they don’t have time to update and don’t know when they’ll be posting, etc. Post...

08
Mar
2006

CONTENT? WHAT IS THIS CONTENT YOU SPEAK OF?

Work has me by the neck and is shaking me hard, every day. Shake-a, shake-a shake-shake! go the sounds of each day, as my brain starts rattling between my ears. I put my hands over them sometimes to keep my brain from falling out, but then people walk by my office and wonder what the heck I am doing, and I grimace and put my hands back on the keyboard where they belong. Couldn’t Have Said it Better Myself: “I do not see how I will ever in my life get back on top of…my life. My life is currently...

06
Mar
2006

HOLD STILL!

Right now, right this minute, I do not wish for a happy future for my children. I don’t want them to grow up and older and move away and marry and have children of their own and live happy lives far into a future where I no longer exist. No. Don’t move, I think. Don’t grow…stay right where you are. Right now, right this minute, I am indulging in the most selfish selfishness possible: I want to stop time from fleeting and KEEP them as they are RIGHT now. What was I talking about yesterday? The beauty of the ephemeral?...

05
Mar
2006

FLEETING & EPHEMERAL

Often, I find, there is more beauty in the things that are fleeting than the things that have substance and staying power. That certain things end and return, end and return, is always a source of awe and amazement. The wheel of seasons, the crisp outline of sun on snow, the fragile tissue-thin pattern of a lacewing’s wing, the blaze of glory in a winter sunset sky, the new green of spring buds, the glad flash of color before the fall. Every season breathes a renewed sense of circularity through me, I breathe it in and let it out again,

03
Mar
2006

IN MY DEFENSE, THEY WERE SMALL AND MONKEY-LIKE

Cold and blowy, snowy, white and wintery. Everyone is bitching about the weather as if the entrance into March was the entrance into Spring. But Spring is still at the end of the road. The vernal equinox is weeks away. March comes in like a LION, not like a lamb, no matter how pleadful and yearny and sick of February we are. February, that 2-bit floozy that overstayed her welcome, when we didn’t really welcome her in the first place. March gives us the cold shoulder at first. She’s aloof, her face is turned away…she has to warm up to...

02
Mar
2006

THROW ME A BONE, I REALLY *AM* TIRED

I am so tired that it was all I could do not to crash when I got home, after finally leaving the office at 5 p.m. I propped my eyelids up with sheer willpower (which feels amazingly like bamboo spikes in this case) and did the necessary evening chores and routines to bring me to the closer side of bedtime. I FINALLY got my butt in gear and made 2 appointments I’ve been not managing to get around to for MONTHS. 2 down, 2 to go. My art table has been appropriated for a model motorcyle-building extravaganza so no finishing...

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