Category: general

24
May
2009

THIS, THAT, THE OTHER

It’s Sunday morning, the 4th and last day of a long weekend. I was just realizing that the reason it’s a long weekend in America is because it’s Memorial Day weekend, while the reason why it’s a long weekend here in Sweden is because of Ascension Day. Strange. The sun keeps trying to come out…it’s been up and down and hiding and peeping all weekend. We’re back to the “wait-5-minutes” typical Swedish weather, it seems. I’m really hoping that the sunshine sticks around or at least comes back full force when my brother comes at the end of June, but...

19
May
2009

WHEN IDEAS FAIL, WORDS COME IN VERY HANDY*

Maybe I have a hole in my head where all the words have leaked out. I looked down around my feet to see if they were there, but all I see is bright green new grass. Sometimes pavement. Sometimes shoes. Where have the words gone? Have they traded in their D’s for M’s and gone inching off, into the grass, greening themselves with protective coloring? Camo-worms. I know that technically I shouldn’t have used apostrophes there with D & M, but I seem to remember that sometimes apostrophes are necessary when the lack of them would cause confusion. You wouldn’t...

17
May
2009

THIS VERY MOMENT IS THE ONLY ONE YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FOR SURE

My kids are waltzing, or what passes for waltzing in their pre-adolescent, high-school-musical-filled brains, in the living room. They’re singing as they twirl, and as they pass the doorway they both make a huge grin in my direction and then stop and come in to see what I’m doing. AAH! they exclaim, when they see that I’m writing about them (they’re sitting here giggling right now). Their cheeks are bright pink, and their skin is cold: they were out in the chilly evening air watering the garden …and each other… a few minutes ago. I kept thinking it would rain,...

14
May
2009

IN LOVING MEMORY

My friend passed away this morning, too fast and too soon. She had one of the most generous loving hearts I’ve ever known and the world is a grayer place without her light in it. Rest in peace, Carol. The earth will never be the same again. Rock, water, tree, iron, share this grief As distant stars participate in pain. A candle snuffed, a falling star or leaf, A dolphin death, O this particular loss Is Heaven-mourned; for if no angel cried, If this small one was tossed away as dross, The very galaxies then would have lied. How shall...

11
May
2009

THANKS, I NEEDED THAT

Despite the ups and downs of sorrow the sun keeps on shining and I muddle along. I dragged Martin up off the sofa and made him go for a walk with me after dinner this evening. The sun was lowering, but still high in the sky; it hasn’t reached its zenith yet…we’re still enjoying the lengthening days. It’s cool in the evening air, there’s an autumn-y nip in the spring sunlight which is rather refreshing. I much prefer a cool, sunny spring to a direct dive into humidity and heat, so no complaints here. We pulled on fleeces and started...

10
May
2009

IN SEARCH OF A MIRACLE

All day the sun shone in a blue sky and the smell of lilacs was intoxicating. They’ve burst into multi-colored firework-blossom bombs of purple and white and lavender beauty. The chestnut trees have candled and the bright multi-hued greens of spring are evening out into that solid summer wall of verdant emerald. I can’t reconcile myself to the fact that a friend is dying.

08
May
2009

LOVE LOVE LOVE

One of my FB friends who is also a colleague commented at work this week that he couldn’t believe how many books I read. “Do you REALLY read that many books? You read like one a day!” he exclaimed. “I don’t watch TV.* I read 139.5 books last year,” I replied, and left him gaping. I’m reading comfort books right now: just finished The Dark is Rising series and now have started on James Herriott’s All Creatures Great & Small. I suspect it’s because I need to find comfort anywhere I can these days, when worry fills so much of...

06
May
2009

HOPE & HURTING

There’s always hope, right? In the bottom corner of the box, it sits and waits for you and springs up, as glad to see you as you are to see it, when you finally dare to lift the lid one more time. The hospital visit this evening went much better than I was prepared for and I feel so overwhelmingly grateful that maybe, maybe, hopefully, even if things aren’t looking up, they are at least looking a bit better for my friend who had been so steadily going downhill so fast this past week. It’s hard to feel anything but...

05
May
2009

HYMN

I’m too sick-at-heart to write much right now. Grief and concern and horror are like giant elephants lumbering around the room. Every time I turn around I’m struck again by how enormous they are, and how they just seem to have come out of nowhere and how they take up ALL THE SPACE around me. Too many friends going through too many awful things right now. How can these things be?? I have no answers and my cries to the universe seem to be falling on deaf ears. Perhaps if I try singing instead.

03
May
2009

DON’T COUNT EVERY HOUR IN THE DAY, MAKE EVERY HOUR IN THE DAY COUNT

It’s the evening of the 3rd day of the 5th month of the year. It feels as though it was simultaneously just Christmas a moment ago and as if it is just around the corner. If the year continues at this speed, it IS just around the corner. Time boggles me, often. It’s so …heedless. It takes no heed. Had to stop and go look up the etymology of heed. It’s word that seems to get used a lot without people ever stopping, ironically, to take heed as to what it really means: it means “to pay attention, to give...