We’re so bound to our bodies, aren’t we? There’s no real way to escape these bags of flesh and bone that we tote about the world, looking out of them with organs that turn and blink and interpret via another organ that steers everything. It’s hard to imagine that the fine-tuned muscle machine we’ve always relied on is slowing down, is corroding, and is eventually going to just…stop. No one told me that after I turned 60 things would just start falling apart so fast, but that has definitely been my experience. I thought I’d have at least another 10-15 years. Of not falling apart, I mean. I hope I’ll have a little longer than that, haha.
So far, this year alone, I’ve had breakdowns with my intestines, my hair, my eyes, and now, since just a week or so back, my thumbs. I had a diabetes check-in appointment with my (new) doctor yesterday, and it was so nice…as far as doctor appointments go. It’s the first time in a very long time that I’ve felt like I was really listened to, really heard, really had a chance to talk about all the issues that have been bothering me, and to follow-up on the help that she gave me this past summer when I was literally coming apart at the seams with what turned out to be ulcerative colitis. I changed my primary care doctor after that debacle to her, the same young woman who was the one who set my recovery and treatment in motion.
It was cathartic, to be honest. Most of my doctors have been men, my entire life, and most of them don’t listen, not really, not all the way. They only see a woman complaining about a problem, and when that woman is overweight, a foreigner, and now, over 60 to boot, well, they seem to just not take you seriously. My colitis doctor, Dr Harald, is one of the exceptions. Everything with my diabetes is fine, under control, no changes, and I’m really glad about that. I was also able to bring Dr Unni up to date with what happened after my colitis diagnosis in regards to the hair loss and the results of the treatment I underwent in June and am still undergoing. We talked about menopause and my medicine list, and neuropathy, and cataracts, and absolutely everything I had on the list I had brought with me. She relieved some of my anxieties and gave me good advice and seemed to be thoroughly looking at the big picture when it comes to ME and all the things I have been and still am dealing with, in regards to my health and well-being. She started me on a new medication to get my cholestorol down as it’s higher than she would like, and she checked to make sure it wouldn’t cause any problems with my current medications or with the fact that I don’t have a gallbladder. When I mentioned the pain I recently started noticing in the base of my thumbs (especially my right), she examined them, and then told me that most likely I am developing arthritis in the joint at the base of my thumb, which is very common, and gave me a website to read up on it that includes exercises to help. She even asked me about the status of my allergies, which I hadn’t even brought up!
I was supposed to go to a Christmas market today, out at Övedskloster, which I was really looking forward to going to. I had set it up as an AIC activity but only one person signed up, as a maybe, and because she is someone who often signs up as a maybe and then doesn’t show, I wasn’t really counting on her. Both Debbie and Camilla had told me they wanted to go, and so we had planned to make a day of it, but first one then the other bailed, and this morning I woke up at 5 am and couldn’t get back to sleep. By the time I finally did, it was nearly 9 and was a grey, wet rainy day. Anders didn’t want to go with me because he was starting the preparations for our family Christmas and julbord on Monday evening. He went to the grocery store and then started cooking this afternoon.
And I just didn’t want to go by myself. It’s not that I can’t do things on my own…I do things on my own all the time. It’s just that I didn’t feel it would be fun, especially after looking forward to going with my two best friends and making a fun outing of it. I might still go tomorrow, but I doubt it. I don’t really NEED to go to a Christmas market. I don’t need any presents for anyone anymore. It’s just fun. Cozy and Christmassy. Oh well, there’s always next year.
Tomorrow will probably be a load of laundry, some ironing, a quick trip to buy a couple of gift boxes to wrap gifts for my first family, and possibly, some sneak-working to stay on top of the nightmare layout project that I really, really, really want to have as done as possible by my last day on Thursday, before vacation. Counting down to lift-off in one week, EEK!
Mood: okay
Music: The Aces—Gold Star Baby