So far, it’s been one of those weeks. Monday was a complete shit show with one frustrating, aggravating, and upsetting thing after another. I hadn’t slept well, and my knee was hurting to boot. The only good thing was talking to my manager and knowing that I have her support, no matter what. But the residual feelings about everything that happened 3 days ago is still bugging me. Why is that I just can’t let things like this go? They sit and spin about in my head, on repeat, for DAYS.
Last night I slept poorly again. I woke up at some point when it was already starting to get light (so, after 3 am, but well before 6) and realized it wasn’t because I had to go to the bathroom (which is per usual at least 2-3 times a night), but because my right leg (not the wonky left knee leg) was cramping. And not in my calf, which is where I usually wake up with cramps, but in my thigh and groin and then around my knee. What the hell! How do you even stretch that out? Everything I tried made it hurt worse and it was several minutes before it subside enough that I could lie down again. Even today, I can feel the muscles in the same place threatening to act up again.
When I dozed off again, I had rather psychotic dreams, and at one point, MY DAD appeared. I don’t think often about my dad, in a personal, missing-him way, even though I DO miss him. It’s just he’s been gone so long now that it’s not a constant thing. He was SO clear. He was coming in the door to talk to me and I said, in the dream, surprised, “what are you doing here?”, like, genuinely shocked that he had shown up. Then my brother and his wife appeared as well, with their kids running around, and they were concerned for me for some reason, but the weird part was that they BOTH had FACE TATTOOS. WTF brain, what was that about? hahahaha! I don’t remember anything else, of course, and woke up soon after and could not get back to sleep for more than an hour because the office drama was cycling in my head until the alarm finally went off. Ugh.
Stupid shit again today at work, and honestly, I’m so tired of it. I love my job for the most part. I love what I do, and I like the people I work with, but it’s been a LOT of office drama and politics and bullshit lately, and I’m tired. Everyone else is going on vacation soon or already gone, and I still have 5 weeks before mine, and I’m just wanting everyone to go away so it will be quiet and empty and I will be able to park right at the front of the building for a month, and NO ONE WILL BOTHER ME and I’ll just be able to work and get things done.
I’m working from home tomorrow, which means I can sleep (hopefully) for an extra 30 minutes, and I won’t have to talk to anyone in between Teams meetings, and I can go pick a bowl of cherries at lunchtime if it’s not raining. Tomorrow is July 4th, which means nothing here, but Lisel has invited us for dinner at her house and Suzanne and her boyfriend as well, for burgers. I wonder if I should wear some sort of red-white-and-blue. Not feeling super patriotic these days, see last post. We’re bringing the cherries and a medium-ish watermelon.
The weather has been very cold and grey and rainy all week so far, and I really really hope it turns around enough for us to host the AIC BBQ on Saturday. There are 60 people signed up, and if Martin and Theo come (which is doubtful at the moment, as Martin might be working), we’ll be 62. It’s getting too late to cancel it, but I know people will bail if the weather is bad, and we’ll have a boatload of pulled pork to deal with. I had the brilliant idea of using as much kale from our garden as possible to make kale chips. I’m making Rice Krispie treats as well, because that’s a picnic MUST-HAVE. But hosting a party means I have to be social (with a lot of strangers, near-strangers, acquaintances…and thank goodness, a few actual friends) and I am feeling the opposite of social due to the fallout this week.
Thankfully, friends tomorrow for dinner, and an evening on Friday with Debbie and Camilla, and the party prep should be fairly easy on Saturday morning as I’ve already bought all the supplies, picked up the bouncy castle, and secured people to come early and set up. All we have to do is get the kale chips and rice krispies made and then I just need to paste on a smile and get through a couple of hours of being social. Should be doable, right? Maybe I should get the smile as a face tattoo! What do you think, John?
In other news, this made me laugh out loud just now:
Mood: antisocial
Music: Shooter (Luciana)—Life’s a Bitch
*paraphrased from a Thread by @ptrickwill