Where do you find a dog with no legs?<\/b>
\nRight where you left him.<\/p>\n
What do you call a fly with no wings?<\/b>
\nA walk.<\/p>\n
Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. “I don’t serve strings in this bar,” the bartender says roughly and throws him out. The second roughs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. “Hey, didn’t you hear what I told your buddy?” the bartender says. “Yeah,” the string says. “Aren’t you a string?” the bartender says. “I’m a frayed knot,” the string replies. <\/p>\n
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, “Nice tie!” Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, “Beautiful shirt.” At this, the man called the bartender over. “Hey, I must be losing my mind,” he told the bartender. “I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”
\n“It’s the peanuts,” answered the bartender. “They’re complimentary.” <\/p>\n
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?<\/b>
\nNacho cheese. <\/p>\n
Two muffins are in the oven. One says, “Geez, it’s hot in here, isn’t it?”
\nAnd the other one says, “Aaaaaah! A talking muffin!”<\/p>\n
When ducks fly in a V, why is one side of the V longer than the other?<\/b>
\nThere are more ducks on that side.<\/p>\n
Why don’t seagulls fly in the bay?<\/b>
\nBecause they don’t want to be bagels.<\/p>\n
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Ya got any grapes?”
\nThe bartender looks sternly at the duck and replies, “No, we don’t have any grapes. This is a bar, and we don’t serve ducks anyway. Now get out of here!”
\nThe duck walks away but returns to the same bar the next day and says, “Ya got any grapes?”
\nTo this the bartender looks very sternly at the duck and replies, “No, we don’t have any grapes. I told you yesterday that we didn’t have grapes and that we didn’t serve ducks. Now get out of here. If you come in here again, I’m going to nail your feet to the floor!”
\nThe duck walks away unfazed and again returns to the same bar on the next day. He walks up to the bartender and says, “Ya got any nails?”
\nThe bartender replies, “No, we don’t have any nails! This is a bar!”
\nSo the duck says, “Ya got any grapes?”<\/p>\n
Why do turds taper?<\/b>
\nSo your butt won’t slam shut!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. “I don’t serve strings in this bar,” the bartender says roughly and throws him out. The second roughs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. “Hey, didn’t you hear what I told your buddy?” the bartender says. “Yeah,” the string says. “Aren’t you a string?” the bartender says. “I’m a frayed knot,” the string replies. A man walked into a...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-756","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/756","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=756"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/756\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5772,"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/756\/revisions\/5772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=756"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=756"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/lizardek.com\/blog\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=756"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}