It keeps adding up and piling on and never-ending. Do I have a task magnet stuck on me? *swipes at clothing* Doing my own work, plus half the work of a missing colleague is beginning to take its toll and its only been 2 weeks, though there’s no near end in sight at the moment. Right before I left the office, running late, 2 people discussing and arguing and NOT GETTING OUT OF MY WAY so I could leave made me feel as though my blood pressure was actually surging and starting to short me out like a freaky fuse. <\/p>\n
I’ve never had a panic attack, but on the way home I think I came close. What a horrible feeling. On the verge of tears, I pulled up to the house, and sat in the driveway for a few moments while my heart stopped banging about and began to behave again, before letting out my breath and getting out of the car. The mail is all magazines: food, catalog, 2 panda club copies for the kids. Inside, I toss them on the table, flip on lights, remove my boots. The fishtank is getting murky again, I see, as I turn the aquarium light on: there’s another task. I move slowly through the house, breathing through my nose. When the kids arrive with Anders, I don’t think they notice anything out of the ordinary. Maybe I’m quieter than usual, maybe not.<\/p>\n
There’s only an hour before I need to leave again for choir, and I’m dreading the drive; it’s blowing hard and sleeting a bit. Anders has brought home hotdogs for himself and the kids (he knows better than to ask, I rarely eat them), so I fix myself some soup and a sandwich. Thick and creamy chicken with rice goes down easy, it makes me feel marginally better. There’s not time to do much more than start a load of laundry, talk over how everyone’s day went, check e-mails. I was going to take it with me to listen to, but I can’t find the Tracy Chapman CD, the one with the song on it I need to learn for my brother’s wedding. Where the hell has it disappeared to?<\/p>\n
*surge*<\/p>\n
Choir is a pick-me-up, a relief, despite the drive, the length, the worsening weather. Tonight we concentrate on songs we already know for a quickly approaching concert, plus one new one which is fun and bouncy to sing. It’s a smaller group tonight, half the choir is missing; it’s cold season plus the snow is probably deterring people. I feel like my singing is too loud, but at least it’s confident and on key, so I put my wonky heart into my voice and sing. When I bend my head forward air pops between the vertebrae in my neck.<\/p>\n